CLAUS GEISSENDOERFER
Organisational Change Consultant, Host of German Catholic podcast Spiritualität 9.0
Neurodiversity and extreme ups and downs in life
My story is not so much about the Catholic Church, but more about the struggles of being on the neuro-diverse spectrum. I was recently diagnosed with bipolarity. The diagnosis has given me many answers to questions I had my entire life and offers explanation for my ups and downs in life.
When I’m in my manic high I sometimes feel like I’m blessed by God. I’m a prophet, anointed by God. God is speaking directly through me. This sounds like blasphemy, however my condition sometimes makes me think it’s true.
During my lows I feel like the biggest idiot in the world – someone who doesn’t even have the motivation to take a shower. It is important to remind myself that my condition causes me to think in either extreme highs or lows.
Being on the spectrum, my degree of empathy is also fluctuating hugely. During my highs I feel very emotional with a lot of love and responsibility for making this world a better place. During my lows, I can be quite coldhearted lacking empathy.
Having read a lot on neuro-diversity, psychology, but also things like Buddhism, I’ve learnt to separate emotions from the ego in myself, and also in others. This helps me gain perspective during my fluctuating cycles but also in life in general.
In my early years, we had a catholic priest who also was our RE teacher in primary school. He was quite aggressive and spoke a lot about things like guilt, death and mortal sins.
Having studied a lot about how the human brain works, I’m certain he wasn’t a bad person and he did the best he could given his own education and the times he grew up in.
All in all I don’t want to complain. God has been kind to me. When I’m in my manic high, I have a lot of energy and I’m able to contribute a lot of good. I spend hours working on my podcast and on Spirit Unbounded. I’m blessed for having those amazing bursts of energy that I can use to work on charitable projects.